dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
