I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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