Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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