Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
