you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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