my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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