first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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