yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
