Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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