I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
