i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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