If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
