she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
