she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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