Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
