Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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