do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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