guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
