I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
