If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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