she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
