then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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