She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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