Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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