You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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