she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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