she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
