I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
