I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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