Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
