found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
