i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
