yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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