he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
