I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
