$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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