After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
