I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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