I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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