I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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