omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
either way he was missing a nipple.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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