am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
