3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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