If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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