Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
