After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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