It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
