is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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