I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
