I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
