i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
