This girl is more easily done than said...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Less talking, more tequila
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
