She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
