He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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