Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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